Well, it has been a year. On May 24, 2017 I had a total thyroidectomy after finding out that I had papillary thyroid cancer. I am very happy to say that I have been one year cancer free now. My follow up blood tests and ultrasound do not show anything suggesting a recurrence. Before the surgery I knew something was off but I hadn’t expected thyroid cancer. Actually, I didn’t even know what thyroid cancer was and cancer in general was not on my radar. I guess I need to back up a little to tell my story.

In mid 2016 I had decided to take control of my health and I started on a journey to lose weight and feel better. I had always gone up and down some with my weight but I was a lot up at this point and needed to do something. I couldn’t see it that much when I looked in the mirror but when I was looking at pictures I realized how much weight I’d put on. I was having trouble on hikes and getting tired far too easily. I went on a hike on Father’s Day with my family and at the end I knew it was time. By the end of the year I had lost 40 pounds. I had watched what I was eating carefully and slowly increased my physical activities. As an added bonus it was fun to go shopping for clothes again! I was running and biking faster and farther. I was feeling so much better than I had been but something still felt wrong. At the beginning of 2017 I started going to specialists to rule things out. I tried things like going gluten free for a month to see how I’d feel. I really thought I was having a food allergy or intolerance. In February 2017 I went to the doctor for a routine wellness exam. Please don’t skip these! I try to go on time each year. All my blood work came back normal but the doctor felt a lump in my throat. I do believe that losing the weight helped out with this because with the size of the lump on my left it should have been found the previous year during my wellness exam. The doctor said she wasn’t all that concerned but I needed to have an ultrasound of my neck just to be safe. I didn’t think too much about it. I had an appointment with an allergist the next month and I really thought that I would find answers there. I went in for the ultrasound and I was referred for a biopsy of two nodules on my thyroid. (One on each side.) I was starting to get a little worried now. I still didn’t think they would find anything too serious, after all, my blood work was okay. Unfortunately, I was wrong. On April 4th I called my doctor to see if I could get the results. She wanted me to come in but she could tell I was worried so she gave me the results over the phone. The nodule on my left was far bigger but tested benign. The nodule on the right came back positive for cancer. It was about .5 cm. When the doctor told me I was just in shock. I jotted down the information she gave me to meet with a surgeon and endocrinologist. I had to find out what an endocrinologist was. I stayed calm on the phone. After hanging up and sitting and thinking for only a little bit I was in tears. I was scared. I didn’t know what this would mean as far as treatment but the word cancer was rattling. The idea of surgery was terrifying. I had been lucky so far and never had surgery.

I tried to make appointments with both the surgeon and endocrinologist but they were both booked out several months. My doctor who had referred me to them told me it was fine to wait as the nodule was small. Here’s where I decided to take some control. I couldn’t do anything about having cancer but I surely wasn’t waiting several months just for a consultation with a surgeon. It was good news that the cancer was small and I didn’t want to give it any extra time to grow. I started researching surgeons and endocrinologists on my own and found doctors that could see me within a week or two. Even a week or two felt like a long time to me. I would recommend that anyone going through this find a doctor that they are comfortable with. I read countless reviews and researched a lot of doctors before calling to set up an appointment. My surgeon answered all of my questions and booked the surgery for the end of May. I liked her and I was feeling more comfortable after meeting her. I also met with the endocrinologist. The one thing everyone kept telling me was that if I was going to have cancer this was the one to have. My prognosis was good. While this may be the “best” cancer to have it did not give me that much comfort when everyone told me how lucky I was. Please don’t misunderstand. I am so thankful that it was caught while it was small but I think hearing the word cancer is jarring and life changing no matter what type it is. I also felt like I wasn’t allowed to grieve. “You’ll be fine!”, “You’re lucky, it’s very treatable.” Many other comments were meant to be helpful but made me feel like it wasn’t okay that I was scared or angry. I took the comments as they were intended and just shook my head and smiled. I quickly realized though that I needed to go through the sadness, anger and grief and that it was okay to be thankful it was small but also okay  to be upset and scared and angry. I also don’t like to take pills or medication of any sort. If I have a headache, so be it. I only take medication if absolutely necessary. The idea that I would now be dependent on a pill every day for the rest of my life was unnerving and I had a hard time getting used to the idea.

I had many family, friends and acquaintances reach out to me to offer support. I had know idea that many people I knew had been through the same thing. People prayed with me and for me. I will always be appreciative of the comfort people provided me when they answered questions and shared their stories with me.

On May 24th I had my thyroidectomy. The cancer had been caught early and removed. Several lymph nodes that were close to the nodule with the cancer were also removed and biopsied and came back negative for cancer. The nodule that was larger was also biopsied and came back negative. I should mention here that I have an incredible husband and family that supported me through this. It was so hard to tell my kids but I wanted them to know what was going on and feel like they could ask questions. My parents and one of my sisters came to stay with my family during this time to help out with my kids and with whatever needed to be done. I wasn’t allowed to lift more than 10 pounds for awhile after surgery. I don’t like to ask for help but I didn’t need to with them there. Bus stop runs, shopping, laundry and countless other things were done to help out. I know I am blessed to have family that does this and I am incredibly thankful.

I don’t remember much about the hours or days just after surgery. I remember waking up from surgery and being nauseous. I was given something for this and fell back asleep for awhile. I remember sleeping a lot and taking calcium every so many hours. I remember looking over at the chair in my hospital room and seeing my husband. He didn’t leave my side. I also remember being so incredibly tired. I took a selfie every day and looked at my eyes in the picture. I felt like it took a good week before my eyes looked awake. My first walk around the neighborhood was so slow. I was nauseous by the end and it took an hour just to walk a half a mile. I was frustrated that I could run 6 1/2 miles just a few weeks before and now I was tired just walking down the street. The energy got better gradually. My thyroid medication was based on how much the doctor thought I would need. This was based on my weight. My first blood test was 3 months after the surgery. Unfortunately the dosage was far too small and I had hypothyroidism. My endocrinologist increased the dose but he wanted to do so slowly so my body could adjust as the dosage increased. I very quickly put on 25 pounds in the first several months after surgery. I was also emotional. I don’t normally cry during sad movies but now I was tearing up watching silly commercials and wondering what was going on with me. Honestly, finding the correct medication dosage has been difficult. I knew it could take a long time to get the right dosage but I learned that it can be hard to be patient during that time. I’ve had more than one person tell me it took around a year to get it adjusted correctly. It was a good 6 months before the dosage was close. I gained another 5 pounds or so more gradually and then I stopped gaining weight. I have had a very hard time trying to lose it. The last 5 pounds comes off and goes back on again. I will get there someday though. I’ve done it before so I know I can do it again. For the first 6 months or so after surgery there was also a constant dull feeling of pressure on my throat. It felt similar to having a rubber band around my neck. I was very happy when that sensation left. I also have more acne since surgery than I ever have before, even as a teen.  I find myself unnecessarily nervous when going to the doctor for anything now. I suppose it is normal to be worried they could find something else. I take a deep breath and remind myself that God is in control. There have been a lot of small adjustments. The cancer is gone but so is my thyroid. It is a loss I did not fully understand until going through it.

I’ll stop complaining now. Unless people ask I don’t go into the adjustments since surgery. I try to focus on just the positive day to day. There are plenty. I can run more often now than I was able to before. I’m learning which foods I seem to do better with now. I don’t take my health for granted. Honestly I feel like I am still looking for my new normal but I’m getting closer. I feel much better than I did 6 months ago and I will continue working on my health. I expected it to take time and I will continue to work on running further and biking more this summer. It sounds so silly but I often find myself saying, “I miss my thyroid.” I will continue to figure out how to get to the healthiest me I can be.